Rune
Junior Member
Posts: 186
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Post by Rune on Feb 14, 2005 17:02:57 GMT -5
OK. First thing, there are a lot of really cool people in this place. A lot. And I mean no disrespect by this thread... in fact, it is really a joke, only not really. Basically, we have some crappy typists here. Now I understand that this is the internet and that words don't have to be spelled exactly right or with all of their letters... but some threads I read on here, I just do not understand. I mean, I've read some of the posts... and it is beyond reason... I feel like I'm reading Hebrew. Heck, sometimes it seems as though some people are trying to write in sign language rather than with actual letteres, like they don't understand the difference. So, in my not-really-a-joke joke thread, I have declared school to be in session! First thing's first, class. . -- this is a period. I know that's a long word, but it is the proper term. It is not called a dot. The period is not just for looks. It can be very pretty, especially in colorful fonts, but it does serve a greater purpose. A period separates two sentences. OK, say that with me, one syllable at a time - sen-ten-ces. Now all together - sentences. GOOD! A sentence is a grouping of words that is placed together in a certain configuration in order to form a comprehensible string of related sounds that can be understood by others who have been taught these sounds. Basically, it's what you say. This is inappropriate: i am mahua i like kitties kitties are nice i stab swords into my stomach for fun haha i am fun i like dogs dogs smell bad i smell bad dogs and i have something in common This is inappropriate: i. am mah.ua i like k.i.ttie.s kitties are .nic.e i stab swords into .m.y stom.ach for fu.n .haha. i. a.m fun i like dogs d.ogs smell bad i smell ..........................................................................................................................................bad dogs and i have som.ething. in common This is a properly formed sentence: I am Mahua. I like kitties. Kitties are nice. I stab swords into my stomach for fun. Haha. I am fun. I like dogs. Dogs smell bad. I smell bad. Dogs and I have something in common. Notice that the periods are spaced between two sentences. Now, verbally punctuate this sentence: John is ugly Hopefully, you said: "John is ugly period". That translates to this: John is ugly. Isn't that wonderful? Now you've taken your first step towards being comprehensible! Next lesson later! P.S. Leave comments on my teaching methods! Group activity coming up, and a quiz Thursday! OK, this entire thread is a joke, but seriously... lol. Maybe it's not entirely a joke... you judge.
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Post by Whitakker on Feb 14, 2005 19:40:07 GMT -5
*insert English accent* Brilliant! I think your first lesson was so clear, that if anyone has any doubts as to what you said, they should be locked up in a special house for ignorant, illiterate stupids.
In short, good job.
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Dimitri
Full Member
Listen to the wind blow, Down comes the night. Break the silence, d**n the dark, d**n the light...
Posts: 235
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Post by Dimitri on Feb 17, 2005 15:13:13 GMT -5
Ahah!! It seems we have a teacher's pet! Call the Spanish Inquisition!
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Kimato
Full Member
the greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
Posts: 276
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Post by Kimato on Feb 17, 2005 19:04:00 GMT -5
I admire your use of humor in the classroom...err...classboard, this isn't exactly a room. And you know what? I think this should be required reading for anyone who might be "probational" for just that sort of atrocious, punctuationless, all-around-incomprehensible posting! Kudos! -Kimato-
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Rune
Junior Member
Posts: 186
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Post by Rune on Feb 17, 2005 19:15:40 GMT -5
Don't suck up, Whitakker! J/k. I'm glad you all like this. It's time for the next class. This annoys the... well, the *something* out of me, so I decided to teach this next. We know about the infamous period now, which is very, very useful when trying to be comprehensible. The next thing we need is equally important, if not more so. We will call them quotation marks, and they can allow you to talk rather than think . They look like this: " ". Very nice, yes? Very pretty? You want to see them more often? Then USE THEM! When your character is actually speaking aloud, and not thinking, then you will use these on each side of the words spoken aloud. Let me give you an example: Wrong: I hate whirlpools they make my hair less lusterous Bob screams. Wrong: I hate whirlpools they make my hair less lusterous "Bob screams." (You see, this is wrong because Bob is not saying *Bob screams*. Bob is saying that he hates whirlpools because they make his hair less lusterous.) Right: "I hate whirlpools! They make my hair less lusterous!" Bob screams. Notice that the quotation marks are placed before the sentence and after the sentence. For the moment, ignore , and !. These are very important, but we will not learn about them until a later letter. In fact, even though your sentence may be retardedly wrong without them, we will still get the gist of what you're trying to say if you use periods and quotation marks appropriately. See if you understand this: jimbo bob billy was running down the road when he saw his brother fat albert get hit by a pink porsche. he laughs very hard and tells his now dead brother "i like bobs lusterous hair." There are many, many, many painful problems in the sentence beforehand... however, it is still comprehensible, with the help of periods and quotation marks. See how easy that was? OK, that's enough for today. I hope everyone learned something. For my more advanced students, you can try correcting the above example sentence for extra credit points that will in no way, shape, or form, help you in any area of your digital or physical life. Until next time, good gramming! (I know that's not a word, but I figured that someone who is using good grammar could very well be described as 'gramming'.)
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Post by Whitakker on Feb 17, 2005 20:14:58 GMT -5
For the heck of it...
Jim Bob Billy was running down the road when he saw his brother, Fat Albert, get hit by a pink Porsche. He laughs very hard and says to his now-dead brother, "I like Bob's lusterous hair."
I believe that's right.
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Rune
Junior Member
Posts: 186
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Post by Rune on Feb 18, 2005 13:07:39 GMT -5
Wonderful Whitakker! I'll give you a gold star. Even though I did say this was only for my advanced students J/k lol. P.S. The room is clean (only you, Whitakker, will know what this means).
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Post by Whitakker on Feb 22, 2005 7:46:49 GMT -5
The room is clean? You know, you'd think I'd know what that means, but the meaning escapes me at the time. Sorry. Oh well, at least I have my gold star to comfort me...
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Rune
Junior Member
Posts: 186
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Post by Rune on Mar 3, 2005 16:30:42 GMT -5
This lesson is quick, simple, easy, and... unfortunately... painful to read. But it is quick. Very, very, very quick. I'm not telling you how to type or what to do today... I'm telling you simply what NOT to do. The answer to what not to do is this: make sure your post does not at all resemble the one below. THIS IS TURNING TO SPARE FIRST FACE IT YOU WORDED IT WORNG. SECOND HATE WINNYTICS NOW DUE TO THE FACT D@#$ CONSEVATIVES AND Liberals CONSTANTLY BICKER ABOUT BUSH FACE IT THE MAIN FORCE YOU CONSERVES JUST WANT THE FREAKIN POPE TO RULE YOU JUST MOVE TO VATICAN CITY AND YOU Liberals WANT EVERYONE EQUAL BUT YOU KNOW THE D@#$ WORLD NO LONGER CARES IF THE MAN IS MENTALLY HANDICAPPED BUT IF HE HAS THE LOOKS AND STEALS EVERY STANDING IS OPPENT THROWS AT HIM AND HE IS A CHRISTIAN HE FINE BY YOU CONSEVATIVES P.S. AS SOON AS PEOPLE FIGHT BACK YOUR MAN YOU CONSERVATIVES YOU FALL BACK ON IDEALISM WINNYTICS=SPARE do you really want that?!?!?!?!?! If it doesn't look like that, you should be OK and at least slightly comprehensible. I changed the name of the person whom I quoted out of respect for them. Goodbye, class. Lesson learned, me hopes. Lesson learned, neh?
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Post by Whitakker on Mar 8, 2005 16:03:14 GMT -5
Head....hurting.......painfully....terrible grammar.....all caps....very bad....... *head explodes* j/k lol
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Kimato
Full Member
the greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
Posts: 276
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Post by Kimato on Mar 26, 2005 12:36:43 GMT -5
Kimato stands up and claps enthusiastically for Professor Rune. When she notices that no one else is standing, and that they are all staring at her rather oddly (invision the typical anime bewildered face with the sweat drop ;D), she sits down again, her face a brilliant shade of scarlet that almost competes with her hair. -Kimato-
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Rune
Junior Member
Posts: 186
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Post by Rune on Apr 12, 2005 15:30:35 GMT -5
Months Later...
"OK, class, summer's over. So we only covered two or three lessons last year -- big deal. This year, we take it up a notch.
"First lesson in Biblical speaking: thy before thee, except after thine. Got it? Repeat: thy before thee, except after thine.
"Wonderful.
"Just kidding. Real lesson, now. We've covered periods, quotations, and how NOT to type. Now, I want us to learn about three things: question marks, exclamation points, and capital letters.
Question Mark (dot with a little squiggly): To use a question mark, place it at the end of a question. If you ask a question, please use a question mark. None of this:
Bob, how many feet do you have.
Try this:
Bob, how many feet do you have?
Wonderful and easy.
Next.
Exclamation point (dot with a line above it): Do not use this to end every sentence. You rarely need to use this at all. When you do, it will be at the end of a (guess what?) exclamation! Instead of this:
Bob walked down the road!!!!!!!!!!
Try this:
Bob walked down the road.
Remember the period, our friend?
However, this is entirely acceptable:
Bob, I love you!
Try not to use more than one. Never use fifteen. There is nothing exciting about Bob walking down the road, and you can't change that by adding points and lines that you obviously don't understand.
Finally, capital letters. Just use them at the beginnings of sentences or proper nouns. Basically, don't do this:
BOB IS STUPID AND HE IS A RETARD THAT SMELLS LIKE A BRAIN TUMOR.
Try this:
Bob is a stupid retard that smells like a brain tumor.
See, not that hard. So, to recap...
Don't do this:
DOES ANDY PLAY WITH SCISSORS!!!
Do this:
Does Andy play with scissors?
You see, not so hard, right?
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